


For a moment

by Mallior



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Eggsy is Galahad, Eggsy-centric, Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Harry Hart Lives, Hurt Eggsy, M/M, Nightmares, Possibly OOC, Post-Movie(s), Unbeta'ed, mentions of physical trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3938389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallior/pseuds/Mallior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"...it would be so easy to give in, just to fall asleep and forget the pain, forget the last months… Yet, he takes shallow breaths and drags his weary body down the alleyway..."</p><p>Hartwin fix-it fic, told through 20 drabbles. Written mostly from Eggsy's POV.</p><p>Prompt words: blood, heal, mirror, dark, seeking solace, 67%, heaven, precious, discovery, weary, inevitable, silence, break, breathe again, questioning, message, surprise, change, warmth, photo</p>
            </blockquote>





	For a moment

**Author's Note:**

> The fic is unbeta'ed and English isn't my first language. Also, not brit-picked... Sorry.

**1\. Blood**  
  Maybe this will be the last… Merlin is angry in his ear, snarling at him to move, _for fuck’s sake Galahad, don’t even think about stopping_. But it’s so hard, he is so bloody tired, even without the blood loss and the bullet wound in his side hurts like hell. Merlin drones on and on, rambling about the extraction point and his latest weapon conception just to keep Eggsy upright.  
  But it would be so easy to give in, just to fall asleep and forget the pain, forget the last months… Yet, he takes shallow breaths and drags his weary body down the alleyway.

 

 **2\. Heal**  
  He wakes up in HQ infirmary, judging by the smell of antiseptic in the air, the soft light grey of the walls and the call button placed on his chest. Pushing the button saps what little energy he has and falls almost back to sleep when a doctor and Merlin arrives. Eggsy endures the poking and prodding, listening to the wizard’s rumbles about being a reckless twat.  
  They keep him in bed for two weeks, before he can go home. His mother isn’t happy about that ’unfortunate mugging incident’ and the ’stab’ wound, but still dotes on him while Eggsy heals and endures physical therapy.

 

 **3\. Mirror**  
  It takes three weeks to finish the suit, replacing the last one. It got a little burned and the senior tailor said getting the blood out of it would be a nightmare, so new suit. Eggsy helps with the tailoring and the sewing, the whole process is strangely soothing, helps his mind to settle. Unfortunately this calm vanishes, when he steps in front of the mirror in Dressing Room One and the first thought that appears in his mind is, _Harry would look dashing in this_. If his hands are trembling when he pats down the lapel of the navy blue suit jacket and his breaths shudder a little, well, nobody will know…

 

 **4\. Dark**  
  Every night, Eggsy hopes for a few hours of nightmare-free sleep, but every time he closes his eyes he sees blood, a single gunshot rings in his ears. His early mornings are usually spent dozing on the couch in the living room, burrowed in Harry’s burgundy red bathrobe. That two or three hours of uninterrupted sleep is his saving grace, that and the bathrobe he nicked from HQ infirmary months ago, before everything gone to hell.  
  Lying in the dark, surrounded by the scent of Harry’s cologne, the bathrobe’s soft fabric warming his skin gives him the illusion of a hug, the illusion of Harry still being here…

 

 **5\. Seeking Solace**  
  Merlin dumps a bunch of after action report on him when next time he ventures into HQ. And because he is still on desk duty, marches into an empty office to fight his way through the paper hill.  
  He’s almost halfway finished when his curiosity wins out and starts snooping on the computer in front of him. He finds old mission reports and video feeds, that are part entertaining, part horrifying. Digging a little deeper, he finds training videos… It’s Harry, talking about proper dining etiquette, using spoons, forks and knives as weapons.  
  Almost seven hours later Merlin finds Eggsy sleeping on the desk, head pillowed on his arms. On the monitor, Harry talks about how one can use a silver tray as a weapon. The video ends, and Eggsy’s breath hitches for a few heartbeat, but when the next video start, he calms down and slumbers on. Merlin strips off his cardigan without a word, draping on Eggsy’s t-shirt clad shoulders, ignoring the still wet tear tracks on the boy’s face. Then he leaves the room silently, making a mental note about Harry’s training videos.

 **6\. 67%**  
  Kingsman Medical is a nitpicking bunch of bloodsucking vampires masquerading as doctors, at least, that’s what Eggsy thinks about them. It was more than a month, since he was shot, but Medical still don’t want let him back on the field, saying his side was still healing.  
  In a fit of stubbornness he tries one of the trial tracks, but that leaves him in pain and out of breath, the timer on his phone says he is 67% slower than his usual time. He practically collapses on a bench in the locker room, desperately trying to catch his breath, but it’s almost impossible because of his smarting side. Well, maybe Medical was right this time…

 **7\. Heaven**  
  Eggsy almost falls on his face, when he steps through the front door, his side is still bloody sore. He really needs a hot bath and a bunch of painkillers… The stairs to the next floor and to the bathroom look like the Mount Everest, and Eggsy doesn’t feel like he have the necessary energy to make it, but the pills are in the bathroom cabinet… With a lot of groaning and stops he arrives, and sits down heavily on the rim of the tub. He plugs the old claw-foot tub and starts the water. While he waits for his bath, Eggsy unearths the bottle of painkillers Medical prescribed for his injury, and swallows a small, white pill without any water.  
  When the tub is full, Eggsy slowly, careful of his side, strips and sinks into the hot water. The tired muscles of his back and side relax and he leans back against the tub, head on the rim, with a sigh. _’Tis feels like heaven…_

 **8\. Precious**  
  He wakes suddenly, when the bed moves with newly added weight, his hands scrabbling for the gun under the mattress.  
  “Eggsy! Eggsy!” he needs a heartbeat to recognize his sister’s voice. With a trembling laugh he releases the pistol’s grip and gathers his sister into his arms.  
  “Hi Daisy! What happened darling?” Eggsy glances at the digital clock on the bedside table, it’s almost 6 AM. “It’s really early to be up, sunshine. Come on, get under the blanket.” he lifts the heavy, dark green duvet and scoots over a little to make space for his sister. Daisy scrambles under the blanket with a giggle, holding her battered teddy bear between them. “That’s it precious, now let’s sleep a little more, yea? And when we wake up, your big brother will make you pancakes.” Eggsy presses a soft kiss on her forehead and pulls the smaller body closer, hugging her protectively.

 **9\. Discovery**  
  Eggsy tries not to spill the tea from the mugs in his hands as he walks to Merlin’s office, keeping up with their morning rituals. He doesn’t even bother to knock, just opens the door with his elbow and steps inside.  
  “Mornin’ Merlin. Here is your tea, I swear, I didn’ messed with the…” his voice trails off when there is no answer. Maybe Merlin isn’t here, but then his door would have been locked. Eggsy turns around look at the wizard’s desk, and his fingers goes numb, vision blacks at the edges. He’s dimly aware that he dropped the mugs and grabs his gun from it’s waist holster. Merlin’s voice rumbles at him, ordering him to _drop that bloody gun right now Eggsy_ , but his muscles are locked, arms tremble with the urge to shoot the ghost in the office.  
  “Galahad!” the codename snaps Eggsy out of his shock. “Lower your weapon, before I electrocute you. You are not hallucinating, are not under influence and aren’t gone mad. Yes, that’s Harry, yes he’s missing his left eye. I’m so sorry–„ but Eggsy doesn’t wait for the end of the sentence, just rip the door open and flees from Merlin’s office, pretending to not hear _that_ voice calling his name.

 **10\. Weary  
  ** He needs almost a month to be able to go to HQ without having a panic attack. The only agent he talks to is Roxy, who found him after the disaster, stumbling through the corridors, trying to find the main entrance of the building. She was the one who picked up his sorry, traumatized ass and drove them back to London. Her patience seems infinite when she deals with this mess, helps Eggsy to survive the nightmares and encourages him to go back to HQ.  
  The only thing she can’t help with is the bone deep tiredness and the bitter taste of betrayal. It makes him weary, and he doubles his efforts to avoid Merlin and – it still feels like a gut-punch – Harry, especially the last one, which is not an easy feat when they made the man Arthur. **  
  
  
**

**11\. Inevitable**  
  Eggsy goes on missions, trains at HQ, hangs out with Roxy – and later, to much of his surprise, with Percival – and still avoids everybody else. But knowing his luck, it won’t be a permanent thing…  
  Merlin and Harry corners him in the gym on one afternoon, when he is the only one in here. For a few minutes, he pretends he doesn’t see them from the corner of his eye, hits the punching bag in front of him with a little more fervour. They stop next to the bench, where Eggsy left his water bottle and towel, waiting for him to finish. Maybe, he could just run, but if he’s honest, it’s really tiresome to avoid his bosses. With that thought he stops the swinging bag, and strips off his gloves while walking toward the men.  
  “We would like to speak with you, Eggsy.” starts Merlin and fold his arms together in front of his chest.  
  “I think, I owe you an explanation and an apology.” Harry continues, and the forced, apologetic little smile on his face sets Eggsy’s teeth on edge.  
  “That’s not necessary sir, Percival explained about blackout protocols. I’m sorry for my behaviour in Merlin’s office, sirs, I can guarantee you, it’ll never happen again.” he grits out and with a murmured excuse he leaves the gym.

 **12\. Silence**  
  The next mission is starts out as a simple surveillance mission with awkward radio silence from Merlin and long hours spent sitting in a car, alone. Unfortunately Roxy is on another mission for the next three days, Percival is in Amsterdam, trying to find a terrorist cell. So yeah, Eggsy is left with silence as his only companion, but thank God, the mercenary group he watches, choose this night to move their base, they are packed with weapons and hopefully, with client list and other useful information. The only problem is the thirty ex-black op mercenaries, who is carrying the boxes.  
  “Don’t even think about it, Galahad.” Merlin breaks the three hours silence with a growl. “Your objective now is to follow them to the new base. If you gained that information, return to the extraction point.”  
  “But I have a chance-„  
  “Yes you have a snowball’s chance in Hell to steal anything right now. You have your orders.” the wizard interrupts Eggsy, voice harsh.  
  “Yes, sir.” is his only answer, hands gripping painfully the steering wheel.

 **13\. Break**  
  Eggsy’s second trip to Medical is because of a training accident, he has bruises and two broken finger on his right hand.  
  The doctor on duty just finishes his cast when the door bursts open and a slightly panting, rumpled Harry steps in. Eggsy just stares at Harry, who seems panicked for a moment, but when he understands the situation, his face becomes neutral, eyes calm and with a smooth move he sweeps an errant lock out of his forehead.  
  “Can I help you, sir?” asks the doctor, breaking the awkward silence in the room.  
  “No, doctor Anmel, I just wanted to see young Galahad.” he smiles at the doctor, but, judging from the face of the woman, it’s not that convincing.  
  “Then, I just leave you two to it. Arthur, agent.” and with that, she walks out of the exam room, closing the door behind herself.  
  This leaves them in heavy silence, and makes Eggsy think about Harry’s face, when he opened the door.  
  “I think, we need to talk Harry, for real this time.” the mention of his name makes the older man smile a little, but its vanishes after a heartbeat.  
  “Yes, we need, and I still owe you an apology…”

 **14\. Breathe Again**  
  After the heart-to-heart in Medical, the next few weeks become less tense, he actually speaks with Harry outside mission briefing, with Merlin, he picks up their tea-drinking routine again.  
  It feels like breathing again after the first night in training. It helps a little with Eggsy’s nightmares, finally he can sleep more than a few hours on a week.  
  The only thing it doesn’t solve, his feelings for Harry. He knows, he’s in love with the man, his death only made it more painfully clear, but he also knows it’s not a happy end, it’s not that kind of movie… Still, he would have Harry alive and healthy over having a cold marble tombstone with his name on it. At least, he can talk to him, laugh with him and maybe he can trust him with with his life, unlike dear, old Chester.

 **15\. Questioning**  
  Eggsy starts to think, he’s going insane, or he’s hallucinating like a champ. Okay, the last five months wasn’t a walk in the park mission-wise and private life, so it can be the stress finally catching up with him… But, to be honest, it seems like wishful thinking, rather than stress.  
  Harry is like his shadow, nowadays. Eggsy sees him at HQ, in the gym, on the training course, sometimes in Merlin’s office with his own cup of tea and sometimes he visits Eggsy at home. His sister greets him with a smile, when she’s usually shy with non-family, his mother wasn’t too thrilled with Harry at first, but now she talks to him, and plays hostess with delight. At first he thinks, maybe Harry has too much free time, now he’s on desk duty as Arthur, but he catches him with Merlin, the wizard tearing Harry a new one, _because I should chain to your desk to have you finish your bloody paperwork!_ Well, that wasn’t what Eggsy thought about the almost constant companionship, but he isn’t protesting. It’s nice to have Harry’s attention without being exhausted and still under the influence of a dose of Rohypnol.  
  Yet, sometimes he feels like he’s missing something important.

 **16\. Message**  
  When Eggsy gets home on Friday night, his mother waits for him, a heavy, cream coloured envelope in her hand.  
  “It’s yours, baby. Found it in the mailbox.” he finds his name written on the front in a familiar handwriting, his heart speeds up.  
  “Thanks mum, I’ll read it later.” with that, Eggsy grabs the envelope and almost runs into his room, door slamming close behind his back. Suit jacket carelessly thrown on the back of the nearest chair, he sits down heavily on the bed, and turns his attention to the letter.  
It’s a nice envelope, made from heavy, creamy paper, sealed with an actual wax stamp, his name written on the front in Harry’s elegant scrawl, with black ink. Eggsy pulls the small dagger from it’s sheath on his ankle and slits the envelope open with careful movements. In there, is a smooth, off white card, with two lines written on it in black ink.  
_’Trafalgar Square, 8PM, Saturday._  
_Wear something nice, it’s a date.’_

 **17\. Surprise**  
  ’Nervous’ is not a word Eggsy usually would use to define himself, but now it seems too mild. The fabric of his shirt, suit and tie tries to strangle him, his hands are sweating and he got a bad case of butterflies in his stomach. The taxi ride seems equally long and short, while he fiddles with his phone.  
  The square is lit, people milling around in the warm summer evening. Harry’s easily noticeable, dressed to the nine in charcoal grey three piece suit paired with a black shirt and a burgundy red tie. If Eggsy’s blood pressure wasn’t high enough, now it is. He is absolutely handsome and the fact it’s a date makes the whole evening even better. When he spots Eggsy in the crowd his face lights up with a soft smile, and starts to walk in his direction. To be honest, the small kiss he receives is a total surprise.  
  Maybe, it’ll be that kind of movie…

 **18\. Change**  
  There isn’t any major change in his life since he and Harry started dating. He goes on missions, some of those missions ends in Medical, trains with Roxy and Percival, tries to spend as much time as he can with his baby sister and mom, Harry still shadows him in HQ and Merlin is still seems disgruntled with Eggsy. But maybe that’s Merlin’s default setting…  
  There are some change. He sleeps more at Harry’s than in his own bed, he has his own armchair in Arthur’s office – and that’s really his, he seen the footage of Harry scaring a CIA boss out of it, when he sit down without invitation –, he knows he can barge in any time into said office without getting shot and he knows he is the only one Harry’ll call when the migraine attacks start. Maybe these are small changes, but they mean the world to him.

 **19\. Warmth**  
  Eggsy wakes up being warm. Which is strange, because he gone to bed alone, in only a short and still has the habit of throwing off the blanket in the middle of the night. With a murmur, he turns to his other side only to find the source of the warm. It’s Harry, fast asleep. It makes Eggsy smile, seeing Harry in his striped pyjama bottom, hair in soft waves after he washed it, lips parted a little bit. When he carefully swipes a lock of hair out of Harry’s face, the man’s arm sneaks around his waist and pulls him closer. With a small, contented sigh Eggsy burrows closer, legs sliding between Harry’s and closes his eyes, he still can has a few hours…

 **20\. Photo**  
  He finds the wrapped box on the kitchen table, no notes and he hears the sound of the shower from the upper floor. The name tag says 'Eggsy' in Harry's handwriting and with a shrug he starts to open the box. Which is a little difficult, because he doesn't want to rip the black and gold striped paper, but after a little help from the nearest kitchen knife, Eggsy finally opens the lid. And sees a mound of tissue paper. With a frown he grabs a bunch of them and puts aside... only to find a photograph in a beautiful wood frame. He picks it up reverently, and caresses the picture with a feather soft touch.  
  _It's him and Harry, sitting in Arthur's office, in their armchairs. Eggsy laughing at something, making Harry smile. JB next to Harry's chair sleeping, his back to the fireplace, the orange light paints his fur bronze_ .  
  “I blackmailed it out of Merlin. Happy anniversary, dearest.”

 

/END/


End file.
